Before I started my 18-month journey many would say, “missions are really hard ya know”Remember how much I hated that phrase? I’ll admit it’s true though. Missions are hard. But it is not always in the way that you would expect. I guess what I expected was long days, hot days, physically exhausted and missing home and family.And although at times some of those things were true. Really that’s not the hardest part. Long days tiring days exhausted days are joyful and fulfilling. A mission becomes difficult in ways you can’t really imagine. You give your heart to the work and the people and sometimes you get a little heartbroken.
This isn’t going to be the email of miracles in the way you’d imagine missions producing miracles. But I am hopeful that I will be able to express how the oppositions brought true joy.
So with that comes an update with Anicesha.
We haven’t heard from her directly, she has been in contact with her member fellowship but this week we suspect she read into more anti. She’s made the decision to cancel her baptism and discontinue our visits. We pray for her everyday and accepted that her temporal circumstances right now probably aren’t allowing her to see all things clearly. The Lord has a timetable for her.
Then comes an update with Lucy
Tuesday we set her on a baptismal date for the middle of May and she literally thanked us for a asking her to be baptized how sweet is that? I've never had someone thank me before.Thursday our plan was to teach the word of wisdom and as we came in and sat down, she’s tells us about all she’s been reading in the Book of Mormon and then says we need to say a prayer before she tells us something. After the prayer she says, “I have a surprise, I quit smoking. Oh also I took out my nose piercings because I don’t need them.” She threw away all her ashtrays and cigarettes.
Wow! Then we proceeded to teach her the word of wisdom all of which she fully and whole-heartedlyaccepted. And she was so willing to keep the word of wisdom without us even promising blessings; she just went ahead and promised herself to do it. She said, “I have a plan that anytime I want to smoke I am going to go outside and read my Book of Mormon because I know that the Book of Mormon is going to help me and it will get me past this.” This woman has so much faith in the Book of Mormon and it’s just so fun to see.
Then Friday came. She sent us a very long text. Saying she’s very sorry but she doesn’t want us to visit her anymore and likewise wants to cancel her baptism. She talked to a Christian pastor. And she now wants to be baptized only a Christian and not a Mormon. We know obviously that false information was shared but right now she’s not allowing for us to explain.My heart shattered into tiny little pieces. Shattered.
And I broke downnnn I cried and I cried and I cried and I’ll tell you I was angry. I was so angry I haven’t been that angry in a long time and maybe I would argue that I haven’t been that angry ever, and yet there was peace in me. But the peace in me made me more and more angry. Because I wanted to just be mad and I didn’t feel it was okay for me to even feel okay.
We went to Sister Pulses’ house to have cake with President Clark for his birthday. I asked Elder Taylor if we could get a blessing and President over heard and asked if we could go outside and talk. We explained the situations and he gave us some advice and scriptures to send her. And then Elder Taylor and President gave us a blessing. One of the sweetest and most needful blessings I’ve ever gotten. In which I was promised that Heavenly Father is so very aware of me and aware of my situation and how I am feeling. He paused for a minute and said “I feel prompted to tell you that God only sends his strongest and most faithful missionaries to the most difficult situations.” “He trusts you to be able to deal with these people.”
President called us last night and checked up on how we’re doing. I felt embarrassed for my reaction to the situation and that we cried our eyes out like a little baby in front of him and Elder Taylor. President with his sweet little pause said, “don’t ever be sorry for that, I love you for it.”
It still hurts, I’m still not okay with it or happy about it and I wish it weren’t true. I wish so badly it weren’t true for Anicesha and even more for Lucy. But it is and it happened.
But I’ll tell you one thing. In the past things in my life and circumstances have made me depressed. The only hope for comfort I could find was hope that the circumstances would someday change. I let them get me down and I stayed down. I didn’t know how to access the atonement of Jesus Christ. And now what a marvelous discovery the atonement has been for me in my life. Oh how much it has changed my life to know that the Savior felt what I felt and he was, is and will forever walk with me. I felt him walking through this with me. I felt his arms and his love and his comfort. I felt his peace. I truly can say I know what it feels like to have peace in Christ (Because there wasn’t much peace around me that day). But there was my Savior and I found comfort in him.
Alma 33:11 “I will cry unto thee in all mine afflictions, for in thee is my joy.”
My joy is found in Jesus Christ. He is my first love, and in 18 months he’s become my ultimate source of comfort.
The second thing that God reminded me of is I still saw the miracle! I saw the gospel work through them and change them. Lucy was changing because of the Book of Mormon. That strengthens my testimony of enduring to the end. We must learn to endure. But if they don’t, if those around you haven’t endured that doesn’t take away the Miracles of faith that we’re seen on the journey.
I know that the Savior suffered the penalty of our sins. Likewise I know, with every feeling in my heart that he suffered my heartbreaks. I know he died for me and he lives for me. I know that there is no other comfort in the world sufficient, no other peace sufficient. For in Him I am satisfied.
- Sister Sorensen🌞
0 comments:
Post a Comment